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7 # How to Deal with Introverts
12 - I work at Bluehost as a software developer.
13 - I don't really have any background in psychology.
14 - Most of what I know about how to deal with introverts I learned from how my friends, family, and
15 coworkers deal with me.
17 - In other words, I extrospect the actions of others and how they relate to me in order to
18 understand my own introspecting nature.
19 - I'll talk a little bit more about me towards the middle of my presentation.
21 - How many of you think you're introverted?
22 - How many of you think you're extroverted?
28 - Answer "What is introversion?"
29 - Develop an understanding of why people act as they do.
30 - Learn ways to cope with your own introversion.
31 - Identify the challenges inherent in working with introverts.
32 - Explore practical ways to effectively deal with introverts.
36 - Use our defined terms to better understand why people act as they do.
37 - Learn ways to cope with introversion (if you are introverted).
38 - Identify and solve workplace issues that may hinder introverts.
47 ### I like introverts and extroverts equally well.
49 - I may not give both types equal air time.
50 - I am an introvert and have that bias.
51 - I know and respect many extroverts a ton.
52 - Both different strengths and weaknesses.
53 - Both complete each other.
54 - World is completed by having the two types.
58 - I will be making some broad generalizations.
59 - I know not everyone fits in the box I'm going to ascribe to them.
60 - I otherwise don't actually expect to say anything offensive.
64 ## What is introversion?
66 > noun in·tro·ver·sion \ˌin-trə-ˈvər-zhən, -shən\
68 > 1. the act of directing one's attention toward or getting gratification from one's own interests, thoughts, and
71 > 2. the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental
72 > life—compare extroversion
75 Source: [Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/introversion)
79 ### Introverts are selfish, right?
80 - Introverts are self-centered, self-occupied, self-obsessed, self-serving selfish people.
81 - At least we're not usually exhibitionists.
82 - I think this description is not necessarily unfair. Introverts are kinda selfish.
83 - At least, I can see why introverts may be perceived as such.
84 - Why don't introverts speak up and share their ideas during meetings and conversations?
85 - Maybe they're not team players?
86 - Maybe they're keeping the best ideas for themselves?
87 - Maybe they don't like us?
88 - Nobody really knows what they're thinking because they never speak up, so it's anybody's best guess.
90 -The bottom line is that introverts are just hard to work with, right?
92 - People work in and across businesses by working together.
94 - Barriers to communication are frustrating because it wastes time.
99 name: dilbert-energy-drain
101 ![Dilbert comic strip](img/dt_c131010.png)
103 .copyright-disclaimer[
104 DILBERT ©
2013 Scott Adams. Used By permission of UNIVERSAL UCLICK. All rights reserved.
108 ### Let's continue defining introversion
110 - How many of you understand what Dilbert is talking about here?
111 - Raise of hands -- don't worry, I won't be calling on anyone.
113 - By the way, those who are fans of Dilbert may have noticed the mouth. Scott Adams usually doesn't
114 draw Dilbert with a mouth unless he is eating or in great distress. There are relatively few
115 comics of Dilbert with a mouth, and this one has the mouth twice.
119 ## What is introversion?
121 > The strongest distinguishing characteristic of introverts is their energy source: Introverts draw
122 > energy from their *internal world* of ideas, emotions, and impressions. They are energy
123 > conservers. They can be easily overstimulated by the external world, experiencing the
124 > uncomfortable feeling of "too much." [...] They need to limit their social experiences so they
127 > -- Marti Olsen Laney, pg.
19
130 ### Better definition
132 - Nine years ago, read book by Marti Olsen Laney, a doctor of psychology, called "The Introvert
134 - This description of introversion resonated with me.
135 - It's still the way I like to think about introversion, both in an abstract sense as well as in
136 practical terms in "managing" my own introversion.
140 - I am a team lead at my company.
141 - That means that get to solve technical problems and write code
142 - It's also my responsibility to lead, manage, and mentor other developers.
143 - A lot of my non-coding time is spent in meetings and working with my teammates.
144 - I help them gain knowledge, and make sure they have what they need to succeed.
145 - Some days I get to code all day; I lock the door and program! I love those days.
146 - Other days I'm working with my teammates all day and don't write any code.
147 - I love those days, too, but there is a huge difference in the level of mental fatigue I feel at
148 the end of each type of day.
149 - On the days that I spend all day working on complex programming problems, I get home and feel great.
150 - On the days that I spend all day working with people, I'm totally wiped out.
151 - Can any of you relate to this?
155 class: center, middle
157 ## Introverts and Extroverts
159 #### There is a biological difference.
162 - I really don't know much about how brains work, but I do understand that personality and
163 temperament doesn't come from nowhere. Personality develops, but it's also not something
164 completely environmental. Brains of introverts and extroverts actually work slightly differently,
165 and it's not a learned difference, it's a biological difference.
167 - The difference may have something to do with neural pathways and neurotransmitters, making
168 introverts more sensative to Dopamine and thus more prone to getting overstimulated by less
169 stimulus than is required for extroverts.
171 - I don't know how settled the science is in this regard. Let me just say that according to my
172 research and best information right now, there are at least partially understand biological
173 differences between introverts and extroverts.
175 - I bring it up because understanding is the first step to identifying and solving problems.
179 class: center, middle
181 ## Human personality spans many spectrums.
183 Introversion/extroversion make up one of those spectrums
186 ### Another perhaps-obvious point
188 Human personality spans many spectrums. It isn't black and white. You're not really either an
189 introvert or an extrovert; you exist somewhere in between.
193 ## Differences between Introverts and Extroverts
196 2. Response to stimulation
197 3. Approach to knowledge and experience
200 ### Dr. Laney defined three differences
202 - Introverts gain energy from inside themselves, by being alone and recharging by themselves ("down
203 time") while extroverts gain energy from social interaction and other external stimulii.
205 - Introverts retreat inwardly from too much stimulation. Extroverts run the risk of being
206 *under*stimulated and need to get enough stimulation externally to not get too bored.
208 - Introverts go for depth of knowledge in particular fields that interest them. Extroverts go for
209 a breadth of knowledge, learning perhaps as much information but in more areas.
213 ## What *isn't* introversion?
215 - Abusive nerds on the Internet
219 - Social anxiety (shyness)*
222 Separate the condition from the apparent or supposed results.
224 - It's not aspergers or autism.
225 - Rage quitting and abusive nerds online.
226 - Social awkwardness.
227 - Depression, [social] anxiety, stress, shyness, energy level, self esteem.
228 - Aloofness, selfishness, stuck up, self-absorbed.
230 There are studies that indicate a positive correlation between introversion and social anxiety. This
231 may possibly be explained by the fact that extroverts just get more experience talking with people.
233 Despite introversion not necessarily being associated with these particular conditions, that are
234 difficult to deal with, introversion by its nature does create a need for some special
235 consideration within organizations.
239 class: center, middle
241 ## So, how *do* we deal with introverts?
245 class: center, middle
252 - "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
253 - Introverts are slow and don't communicate very well.
254 - Maybe don't hire them or just try to avoid them.
255 - Introversion is not a Title VII protected class.
256 - I'm not aware of any companies that do or have ever tried to do this.
257 - This isn't viable for tech companies or any organizations really.
258 - By some recent studies, as much as
50% of people are introverted.
259 - How can there be that many introverts? Well, remember that our personality actually exists
260 somewhere along a spectrum. Also, many introverts just learn to act like extroverts; from
261 a young age they mimic social behavior around them and may never realize they're introverted.
267 ### Yeah, that's just silly.
271 class: center, middle
273 ## Go all in[troverts]!
276 - So, if we can't ignore them, should we prefer them?
278 - The trouble with that, is extroverts are valuable. Extroverts have tons of valuable skills.
280 - Also, there's not a lot of conclusive evidence to suggest that introverts work better with other
281 introverts than with extroverts. There may be fewer interpersonal conflicts, but there also can be
282 a lot of communication *not* actually happening.
284 - Extroverts are really good at facilitating conversation.
291 class: center, middle
293 ## Learn to get along!
296 - Let's instead keep both introverts and extroverts and instead learn how to communicate and get
297 along with each other.
299 - Then we can keep the advantages of both types!
308 ## Dealing with your own Introversion
311 I wouldn't say that my story is unique at all.
313 I learned of and then became interested in understanding introversion when I was at a point in my
314 life where I was trying to understand myself. When I was growing up, I was often frustrated that
315 I wasn't more like my extrovert peers. I enjoyed and had fun with my friends -- fortunately for me,
316 my friends enjoyed many introverted activities -- but I also enjoyed (read: needed) down time, and
317 I was ashamed of that difference. That was at least one part of my personality that I identified as
318 an undesirable trait.
320 Unfortunately, I often made the mistake of caring what my peers thought of me, because all kids do
321 care about that, and that had some effect on my self esteem. It was worse than that, though: I made
322 the far-more foolish mistake of believing in and caring what I *thought* my peers thought of me.
324 My life experience made me uncomfortable being me, which is awful because I wasn't about to be
325 anyone else. After I realized how silly I was being by putting so much weight behind what others may
326 have thought about me, my discomfort left and I was able to be happy again.
329 > Stress is caused by inconsistency between a person's belief and their actions. It is also the gap
330 > between what a person wants to do or feels like he or she needs to do and what that person is
331 > actually doing or able to do.
334 I think this experience, to varying degrees, is shared by many people of a variety of personality
335 types. If you can relate to the experience I shared and are still clinging to the false idea that
336 your self-worth should be unhealthily tightly coupled with what others think of you (or what you
337 imagine others think about you), please let go of that notion! This is the most important thing you
338 could take away from this presentation.
340 But don't mistake me: I'm not saying that you should have no care at all for what other people think
341 of you. That would also be a sad and unfortunate way to live. As with most things, you need
342 a balance. Caring how others regard you will help you accept criticism when it is founded, and the
343 balanced perspective will help you reject baseless criticism.
345 For all the introspecting that introverts are supposed to be doing, they can be really bad at
346 viewing themselves accurately. Poor self-esteem affects introverts and extroverts alike. It's often
347 caused by bad assumptions going in, so even introverts can't come to more enlightened conclusions by
348 themselves. Thoughts like "I am not a good person" attach themselves deeply within the mind, and
349 once they grab hold they're hard to shake.
351 So, bottom line: if you are not comfortable in your own skin, make a change. Get a new perspective.
352 If you are introverted, there are simple things that you can do to "manage" your introversion.
356 - Learn and understand how *you* function.
359 There's no point being an introvert if you're not going to actually introspect, so choose to study
360 more about how you work. If this presentation is the first time you've learned about introversion,
361 then this is a good start, but there is a lot more that you can learn about yourself.
364 - Stay on top of your schedule so you don't run out of energy.
367 - If you know you will be around people, compensate be carving out time in your schedule to rest up.
368 - Try to keep an energy reserve in case you need it for unexpected events.
371 - Know and respect your limits.
374 This one may be a bit controversial, but I think it's true.
375 - People like to think they're unlimited, but people have limits -- yes, they do -- and it's not bad
376 to acknowledge that if you're honest with yourself.
377 - Don't feel bad by saying "no" to some social events.
380 - Work outside of your "comfort zone" on your terms.
383 Now, I don't particularly like the phrase "comfort zone." It's bandied around constantly, but little
384 time is spent considering whether or not doing so has real benefits that the any of us should care
385 about. It may be beneficial, but we all seem to have this assumption that we all should be breaking
386 out of our comfort zones, but should we really all be striving to do that? Yes and no.
388 - To the extent that we get personal growth out of stepping outside of our "comfort zones," then it
390 - To the extent that being outside of our "comfort zones" makes us hate our lives, then it's not
392 - So, we should be striving for personal growth, but we can do that growth on our own terms. Usually
393 when somebody brings up "comfort zones," it's because they're trying to get you to do something,
394 maybe out of good intentions, but you're smart enough to make a conscious decision for yourself
395 whether or not stretching yourself at that time will be good for you or not.
399 class: center, middle
402 ![captain picard day](img/captain-picard-day.jpg)
404 Source: [The Pegasus](http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/The_Pegasus), Star Trek TNG
407 - This is my favorite introvert.
408 - There are actually a lot of awesome introverts that have risen to prominence and even become
409 role-models to many. I'm not going to talk about them, but it's fun to watch people and look for
410 signs that may indicate where they're at on the introversion/extroversion spectrum.
411 - My favorite example of an introvert is a fictional character. The writers of Star Trek TNG did
412 a fantastic job at creating and developing this interesting yet very introverted character. There
413 are signs that Sir Patrick Stewart himself may lean toward introversion, and that may be why he
414 was also able to play the part so well.
415 - Anyway, this is Captain Picard putting on a not-entirely-convincing smile for "Captain Picard Day"
416 on the Enterprise. His duties on this day include meeting with children on the ship and judging
417 their class projects.
418 - By the way, Captain Picard Day is a real thing, I recently found out. Apparently it's celebrated
419 on June
16th of each year.
421 - How many of you introverts have found yourself in a similar position? Out of energy but still
422 putting on a smile at a social event, hoping your smile is at least somewhat convincing?
426 class: center, middle
431 Introverts don't need to be coddled. Certain individuals (introvert or extrovert) may feel they need
432 that, but introverts don't inherently need that. In fact that may be very anti-productive. Because
433 of the energy requirements of introverts, they do need special consideration, that's true. But not
436 These things are meant to create an environment or the right conditions to make it more likely for
437 introverts to succeed and be happy in the workplace.
439 Some of these things can simply be added to your processes or routines in order to get the benefit.
441 However, to the extent that any of these things conflict or interfere with the needs of extroverts
442 or take away from the conditions that allow extroverts to succeed, some compromise will need to be
450 - Let people choose how they communicate with you.
453 Even though an introvert may not be at her best during face-to-face communication, she may do just
454 fine at other types of communication. Email, intranet chat, things like that are much less
455 stimulating and give introverts plenty of time to gather their thoughts and formulate proper
458 Introverts can be so good at those types of communication, you may not even realize they're
459 introverted. (Until you meet them face to face. Then it may become painfully obvious. It's like: you
460 were so articulate and well-spoken in your email, and here you can barely string two sentences
468 - Don't put introverts on the spot.
471 Try not to put introverts "on the spot". You'll likely get either a blank expression in return or
472 much fumbling of words.
475 - Seed the discussion.
478 - This may be general good advice for anyone leading a meeting.
479 - Seed the discussion with enough context and detail to make sure everyone is on the same page.
482 - Send out a list of things attendees should think about and plan before the meeting.
485 - Make sure everyone knows what will be expected of them.
488 - Goes back to the idea that introverts don't appreciate being put on the spot.
491 - Encourage introverts to write down their ideas.
494 In a meeting or other social setting, you'll likely find the introverts there may seem to not be
495 participating. What may be happening is that they may be having deeper thoughts than the extroverts.
496 This does take time, though, so they're probably lagging behind in the conversation, and by the time
497 they have something really interesting to say, they may find the conversation topic has moved on, so
498 they may not ever share their thought.
500 You can either ask at the end of the meeting if the introverts in the room have anything to add
501 about anything discussed, or maybe just tell them to email their ideas later, perhaps after they
502 have had even more processing time.
505 - Leave gaps in your conversation.
508 Introverts don't like to interrupt people, and sometimes extroverts engaging with each other fail to
509 leave gaps in the conversation in which introverts feel like they can interject. Again, not all
510 introverts have this issue, and some that do have it have trained themselves to interact more like
511 extroverts in social settings.
513 This may not work very well at first, so you may need to experiment and see what works to help your
514 introvert(s) engage you more in conversation.
517 - Sometimes it's a good thing when introverts don't talk.
520 Introverts don't feel the need to say something unless it's important AND isn't already being said,
521 so if extroverts happen to be covering all the important points in the conversation well enough,
522 introverts may be content to sit back and let the extrovert say everything. So, if introverts aren't
523 talking, that may be a sign that everything is cool.
530 - Don't rush introverts.
533 Don't rush introverts. When you ask them a question that they don't immediately know the answer to,
534 you may get a blank expression that may make you think that there is no thinking going on there, but
535 they are thinking. Just be a little patient and you'll get a response eventually. If you're an
536 introvert put on the spot, try to make some sort of indication that you are thinking and will
537 respond. "Give me a second to think about that..."
540 - Limit the number of projects placed on introverts.
543 Introverts can handle complexity, but they do better when they can focus on one or two areas. More
544 than this, and there is risk that the introvert will become overwhelmed and then be less effective.
545 So keep the number of projects reduced. Introverts will still do good work on their projects, but
546 they'll be less likely to feel overburdened.
550 class: center, middle
553 ![open-office](img/new-office.jpg)
555 .copyright-disclaimer[
556 [Office in London](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:New_office.jpg) ©
2009 Phil Whitehouse. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution
2.0 Generic license.
564 - No open office design!
568 - It's just a bad fad that needs to go away sooner rather than later.
571 - Reduce stimulation.
574 - If you can, create private cubicles AND a common area for knowledge transfer.
577 Stimulation (note steril slides).
579 Some introverts may be prone to not remembering "trivial" details... such as
580 people's names. If you struggle with this, work on it. Sometimes you see
581 somebody but you just don't care enough to actually see them. Start to care.
585 class: center, middle
586 name: dilbert-programming
588 ![Dilbert comic strip](img/dt_c150216.png)
590 .copyright-disclaimer[
591 DILBERT ©
2015 Scott Adams. Used By permission of UNIVERSAL UCLICK. All rights reserved.
595 - In the end, we introverts really aren't that complicated to work with, right?
596 - Our needs are simple. Let us write code and create designs and manage servers in peace!
600 class: center, middle
607 class: center, middle
613 Email me: Charles McGarvey
614 <chazmcgarvey@brokenzipper.com
>
617 Leave me feedback, if you want:
619 ![Page on Joind.in](img/talkqr.svg)
621 <https://joind.in/talk/
5f266
>
629 - Excerpts from [The Introvert Advantage](http://hiddengiftsoftheintrovertedchild.com/about-the-author/the-introvert-advantage/) by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D.
630 - DILBERT comic strips created by [Scott Adams](http://dilbert.com/), used by permission.
636 class: center, middle
639 ![blank stare](img/blank-stare.jpg)
643 class: center, middle
644 name: happy-to-stay-home
646 ![extreme happiness](img/funny-dance.gif)
648 "It's Saturday night, and I'm staying home!"
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